Summer Anxiety and Lucas Update

I think yesterday I must have been determined to give myself anxiety. Or maybe I was just accomplishing some things I keep putting off. To start with, both kids are due to go to the dentist soon and I kept putting off calling, but Lucas' teacher keeps asking about it every week because she needs an updated dental form for him on file. So I finally called. They don't go until June but I am already stressing about it. And not for the reason you'd assume. Kids both do pretty well at the dentist and don't worry much about going. My anxieties come from the parking situation. They have a small lot and it's hard to back out of most spaces so I have to get certain spaces so I feel comfortable parking. I am a good driver and have never been in any accidents and never scraped or bumped anything, so I don't know where this fear comes from, but I have a deep fear of scraping someones car or bumping it in a parking lot. At the grocery store I park far out with no cars around. So I am so stressed already that if those few spots I can get out of easily are unavailable, what am I going to do? I go through this every 6 months for years now, and I've always been able to get a spot I like, but last time I went at such an angle into the one I was afraid I'd scrape something. I didn't, but that was my closest encounter. I hate my anxiety about driving, but no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to go away.

Yesterday I also decided to do another thing I keep putting off and sign Mackinley up for her summer camps through school. I love that she enjoys going and I know it's important for her socially to get out around other kids. That's not the issue. Again it comes down to driving. She signed up for 4 different summer camps and 3 of them happen to be all right in a row. So for three weeks in a row I get to get up every morning and drive her to drop her off and drive home, just to go back a few hours later and pick her up. Everyday for 3 weeks straight, plus another one later in the summer. 

I spent probably 2 years or more where my car kept overheating, even going somewhere close. It took us forever to finally take it in somewhere to be worked on and found out it was the water pump which has been replaced and my car hasn't overheated since. But that trauma and fear is still there. I am aware it's a highly irrational anxiety. I know in my mind I have family who would come pick us up if we broke down. I know in my mind we pay for towing on our insurance so I could have the car towed wherever it needs to go. And I know in my mind we have the finances to fix whatever could be wrong with it. It doesn't matter when it comes to anxiety. Sometimes those feelings can't be controlled, even when you rationally know everything is fine. So you know the temperature gauge on cars, and usually when you drive the temperature gets up to about the middle once it's warmed up. Well ever since my car had the water pump replaced, the temperature will go up above that middle average line, not far, but as soon as it goes above I start freaking out. I drove an hour and a half to vacation with my temperature going up, just slightly, and going back down and repeating that the whole time, which I know is what it's supposed to do. Just relaxing and letting it do it's thing is really hard.

So it's not even so much the driving to drop her off, it's sitting in the drop off and pick up line with my car running so the temperature can go up worries me. I can shut the car off for a bit when we get situated but once the line starts moving, I have to keep the car running and go with the flow of traffic.

After setting up all those things yesterday, I got the physical symptoms of anxiety, hit me like a ton of bricks. Instant stomach ache, heart racing, body aches, etc. I hate anxiety and I hate the fact I am worried about it all which is over a month away.

Anyways, enough about that. I have a little update on Lucas. So he was sick and throwing up Sunday night. Monday we went with a bland and small diet and he was acting fine and never threw up again. Tuesday I let him go back to normal eating and he still acted fine and never threw up. But last night he threw up again during the night. Yet today he is still acting fine and hasn't thrown up since he's been up. I gave him a covid test just to be sure, it was negative as I figured it would be. So I called the doctor to talk to one of the nurses to see if they had any ideas what would make him throw up only at night, and then have such a gap between nights. The nurse said it is very possible he has a stomach virus which was controlled Monday because we had him on a bland diet, but hit him again Tuesday night because he ate normally Tuesday. She said it's not uncommon for a stomach virus to NOT pass to everyone in the house (he's the only one sick), and she said it's not uncommon to only throw up at night. I really don't know that I believe it could be a stomach virus, it just doesn't seem likely to me. But it's possible I suppose. She mentioned that if we keep him on a bland diet for a few days he should be alright, but if this continues, the random throwing up for more than a week, that he will need to be seen. She said it could be reflux. And after she mentioned that, it seems extremely likely to me. He threw up Sunday night after having greasy pesto sauce on his spaghetti. And he threw up last night after having some greasy corned beef hash with dinner. I am wondering if he has suddenly developed a reflux problem. So we are going to watch greasy foods for a few days and try the bland diet and see how it goes.

I'm going to end it here. I feel like all day long I come up with more things to blog about, but I'm going to try to keep it to one a day. I know not everyone will understand my anxieties about driving and parking and think it's silly, so please keep unkind comments to yourself. I understand it looks silly, I don't need anyone to tell me. It's something I am trying to work through and writing about it, I hope will help me. Or who knows, maybe I'm not alone and my words will let someone know they are not alone in what they feel. So for now, this is it, have a great day!